In 1997, a young evangelical author named Joshua Harris wrote a book called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." The book became an instant sensation among conservative Christian circles and helped to define a generation's views on relationships and courtship. However, in recent years, Harris has experienced a change of heart and publicly apologized for the harm his book may have caused. In this article, we'll explore the impact of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" on Christian culture and the reasons behind Harris' decision to distance himself from his own work.
The Origins of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"
"I Kissed Dating Goodbye" was born out of Joshua Harris' own frustrations with the dating scene. As a young man, Harris had grown disillusioned with the casual and often shallow nature of dating relationships. He believed that the prevailing cultural norms around dating were not only unfulfilling but also unbiblical. Harris began to see dating as a means to an end rather than an end in itself. He writes in his book, "The goal of this book is not to give a formula for finding the right person, but to help you find God's best for you in your pursuit of a lifelong partner."
The Main Ideas of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"
The main idea behind "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" was that the traditional model of dating was fundamentally flawed. Harris believed that dating was too focused on physical attraction and not enough on emotional and spiritual compatibility. He argued that dating encouraged a consumerist mentality in which people treated each other as objects to be evaluated and discarded.
Instead, Harris advocated for a new approach to relationships that he called "courtship." Courtship involved getting to know someone in a group setting, with the intention of eventually pursuing a serious relationship. In courtship, physical boundaries were established early on, with kissing and other forms of physical affection reserved for engagement or marriage.
Harris also emphasized the importance of personal purity and chastity in relationships. He believed that sexual activity outside of marriage was sinful and damaging to both individuals and relationships.
The Impact of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"
"I Kissed Dating Goodbye" had an enormous impact on Christian culture in the late 1990s and early 2000s. The book sold over a million copies and was widely praised by conservative Christians for its emphasis on biblical values and personal purity. Many churches and youth groups began to adopt Harris' teachings on courtship, and young people across the country began to rethink their approach to relationships.
However, over time, critics began to push back against Harris' ideas. Some argued that courtship placed too much emphasis on marriage as an end goal, rather than valuing singleness as a valid option. Others criticized Harris for his emphasis on personal purity, arguing that it placed an unfair burden on women to remain chaste and ignored the reality of sexual temptation in relationships.
Harris' Apology
In 2018, Joshua Harris announced that he was no longer a Christian and that he was getting divorced from his wife. In a series of social media posts, he expressed regret for the harm that his book may have caused and apologized to those who had been hurt by his teachings. He wrote, "To those who read my book and were misdirected or unhelpfully influenced by it, I am truly sorry."
Harris also acknowledged that his own experiences had led him to question some of his earlier beliefs. He wrote, "I no longer agree with its central idea that dating should be avoided. I now think dating can be a healthy part of a person developing relationally and learning the qualities that matter most in a partner."
The Legacy of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"
The legacy of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" is complex. On the one hand, the book played an important role in shaping Christian attitudes towards relationships and courtship. It challenged cultural norms around dating and encouraged young people to pursue relationships with intentionality and purity.
However, on the other hand, many have criticized the book for its narrow view of relationships and its emphasis on personal purity above all else. Critics argue that Harris' ideas placed an undue burden on young people, especially women, and contributed to a culture of shame and guilt around sexuality.
The recent events surrounding Joshua Harris have added another layer to this complexity. Harris' public apology has been met with mixed reactions from Christians across the spectrum, with some applauding his honesty and others questioning his sincerity. Some have argued that his apology is too little, too late, while others have expressed hope that it will lead to a broader conversation about the impact of purity culture on Christian communities.
Joshua Harris I Kissed Dating Goodbye
"I Kissed Dating Goodbye" remains a polarizing book within Christian circles. While it undoubtedly had a significant impact on many young people's views on relationships and courtship, its narrow focus on personal purity has been criticized by many as harmful and unrealistic. Joshua Harris' recent apology has added another layer to this conversation, highlighting the need for a more nuanced approach to discussions around relationships and sexuality within Christian communities.